Recently i read a blog article by a friend who was writing about honesty, and how hurt she was at the discovery that a close friend had been lying to her. Not knowing the reasons for why my friend had been lied to, i tried to be in both hers and her friend's shoes too. While naturally sympathizing with the one who has been betrayed by dishonesty, because no one deserves lies as we understand the wounds these and secrets inflict on the inner self. I also tried to explore reasons why people lie - endless. Excuses covered in "protection of others' feelings" - but in actual fact top on the list of selfish reactions. I started thinking about how many times i had withheld my emotions and truth in order to please others, or lied for fear of taking responsibility for my actions, as well as perceived judgment from others. Most people want to belong, to be loved, and to feel the warmth of others and therefore try and not disappoint perceived and actual expectations from their relations. Hence most people lie to their closest and most delicate relations with excuses ranging from fear of rejection, "what is not known doesn't hurt", awaiting the "right" moment, denial, and, an inability to take responsibility for our actions and their consequences.
I felt for my friend and the kind of betrayal she might have felt when her own friend could not come clean and confide in her. How was she supposed to support her friend if the latter was hiding information from her, and how can this person be trusted again? Many times though, we lie or withhold the truth because of fear of rejection, or because we want to protect the ones we love. How many times have we heard the saying "The truth hurts"? where we hide our feelings as they might hurt our loved ones? We therefore bear the heavy weight of knowing that we are not honest. And what about the saying "the truth shall set you free"? These statements sound cliche but think about the many times a heavy load was lifted off your shoulders or an empty existence filled with purpose after disclosing a disturbing or haunting truth. Suddenly your journey smoothing by the relief of having no need to constantly keep secrets, omit facts from experiences, guilt and shame or even boiling up (or freezing) alone within.
Secrets are kept by us or from us in order to protect someone or something, in order to keep an illusion or blurred vision unexamined. After reading my friend's post, i looked back to trace any truth that i might have covered somewhere or some lie i told in order to protect me or someone i love. These reflections send me thinking of how people can be damaging to their lives while in the illusion or attempt to "correcting" them. It is this same act of "correction" that if unexamined might turn one's journey into the search for "purity" and "perfection" - which any progressive person knows are yet another lie. The truth is often unsettling but real, and people are able to receive support in order to overcome their predicament or the strength to face their mistake. How can we learn lessons from our encounters and our mistakes if we are unable to share them? Once one gets used to the facts, the correct story, laid with emotion - whether confused or not - the more one becomes comfortable and closer to their center. I have lied, and have held truth from people i love more than life itself in order to protect myself from consequences (meanwhile believing that i am protecting them). During my examination and reflections, i find it apparent that the act of lying is rooted in self loathing, anger, denial, and inferiority complex - insecurities best combated by living life on a path that keeps ones from reacting with fear but rather with love.
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